too much to handle

2007-02-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well, I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

2007-02-23T17:56:00.000-08:00

Well, so it turned out Social Studies wasn't that bad.

History was okay too. Except the judgement question was a little screwed up, practically wrote crap. I'm still glad that I didn't take lit :D

Chemistry was the worst man. I was guessing the whole way through. The last questions had to draw diagrams but I didnt :O Then in the end managed to draw a filtration diagram. Anyway, I didn't know that sawdust floats and you could just skim it off the water surface. Wth! skimming off sawdust isn't even any of the purification methods.

Now, there's geog and physics and amath.
I'm not really that worried for emath. I'm afriad amath they will come up with some weird log question and make me panic till I can't do the rest.

shitxzxz, there's no time to talk about hypocritism

2007-02-21T05:50:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JFM<3
not like she's seeing this.
i'm so full after eating instant noodles
social studies is really crap
how are they going to test the 2 chapters in one hr
i said im going to fail already
FAIL

2007-02-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

i am going to fail every common test on friday.
social studies, chem and history.

2007-02-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

Nothing's worth it anymore
I don't want just to give
I also want to receive and take
Hopefully tmr would be a better day

XY and I want to look for LJW for consultation. Linda adviced not to cause LCP will know. Oh man, I just want to pass all my common tests.

Mom should be having pms, she has totally violent mood swings. I cannot stand her and anymore of her mood swings. There was a time where I didn't even feel like going home. I just sat in novena sq, watching the cars go by. And I hated to go home, but I was forced to cause i had a pile of homework waiting for me.

Changed back my url to shegrowls, cause I think it looks and sounds cooler, don't you think? shegrowls :D anyway, there was nothing much during band today. I'm determined to work hard on my doublestrokes and paradiddles. i dont see why bouncing sticks arent allowed for doublestrokes. As long as they sound even right?

Divided soul, is that how you call it? My physical body feels so sleepy, and yet my mental body is still full of energy.

I'm afraid of my tablet, it's making weird noises.

2007-02-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

You can never really say "friends forever"

Going out with Mavis and Claudia on friday for new year shopping:D We gonna shop til we drop. So cliche, yeah. Sms-ed alot tonight. Dont get the wrong idea, I know it's valentine's day. But the content is totally not about love and whatever whatever. I walked ard square 2 looking for stuff to decorate Mavis' card or something. I couldn't find anything. And saw so many girls with roses in their hand standing beside a boy. Omg, can't stand it. They look so awkward together. Like they're on their first date or something.

Anywayzxzx, english and chinese Common Test today, not bad. I finished both in 30 min and fell asleep, as usual. Then we were released at 11, so we went out to Tanglin for lunch. security guard (rolls eyes) We went back to school cause we had geog lesson which lasted less than 20 min. Ugh. Went for tuition, came home, went for piano. Really nothing much happened today.

Except for something The bus I went on for tuition crashed with another car. Alert! It crashed before I got on. So I didn't get injured or anything. The car driver was too busy complaining, so I went on another bus instead. Omg, the look on her face was disgusting, she looked like a monster. I didn't see anything wrong with the car, but I think the windscreen of the bus cracked. I pity the bus driver for meeting such a ~~lady~~ monster.

2007-02-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

reading her blog makes me look down on life and friendships. somehow what she said was really close to what i felt the last few days. i knew all these in my heart, and i just didnt know how to put it into words. she just took it out of my mouth.

is our friendship really that strong?
would you really do anything for your friend?
it's not really true when you say 同甘共苦, simply because i had seen all the reasons. maybe my expectation of a friend is too high. i mean, if we have such a strong friendship, i wouldn't feel disturbed about what other people say of them. perhaps i would even speak up for them. even between this small clique, there's so many invisible walls and divisions.gossiping? lots.

what bullshit

i have no longer any interest in going to church. that's a very sad thing. im afraid my fire is going to burn off very soon. but it only takes a spark. i know i have strong foundations. i know i wont let my fire die off. but isnt the church supposed to be where im so excited to learn more about Him, aisn't the church supposed to influence me to read the bible and talk to God? we go to church to fellowship yes, but we aint even talking about God. Like okay, play drums. do the ppt slides, it's like i never incoporated God into any of these things. okay i totally dont know what im saying perhaps im just mumbling to myself

D: CHEERS TO MY LIFE D:

2007-02-12T06:48:00.000-08:00

today is 12/2/07
this one and a half month practically just blew past! tmr is Xcountry, i have no intention of going at all. my parents dont want to write a letter for me D: last last year i didnt go cause of a broken toenail (weird yeah) oh man.

recent results:
amath:16/20
emath:13/20
geography:14/20
ss:9/23

hurhur, looks okay. but when i get back the other tests... the teachers all say the same thing. whether it's the chinese or humans, or whatever teacher will say "this class did very badly..."

omg! 15 is mavis' birthday! i havent got anything for her! i better go make a card for her. i shall go out on weds to buy her a birthday present. where should i go? i think i should ask bob along. if not i'll be some idiot looking around. ahh! i know, i'll go square 2. great i'll buy her some cute earrings. 3 pairs for 5 bucks. is that alot? one pair..heh should be okay lah.

finally get to hear the sec ones today. band was okay. we're gna strive for syf. now it's going to be even more boring. sunrise and da pacem and sunrise and da pacem. i have a damn stupid sore throat now for saying 123 x8234283742 times.

so many feelings inside of me
but im in a good mood now
i wont spoil it [:

2007-02-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

concert was a success
even though i made a million mistakes. the audience were so enthusiastic i had no idea why. and as usual, gretchen chia and diana was teasing me. idiots! and i said something wrong to keziah's uhm. i ask her to say sorry for me. christine was pulling me for high school musical. i kept moving away from her(inside joke:D)

so many people skipped school today lah D: i totally take back what i said about AN, she's a total ugh! whatever i dont wanna talk about it. laksa was nice. i should i have ordered 1.50 laska. now i owe michellina 6 bucks ++. omg, i've owed someone so much before. there's no band tmr, great, i'm going to study for all the tests and finish all the leftover homework. went for amath tuition and piano class. i dont regret going for amath. Cause i practiced alot of logarithms.

and... good news(:victoria concert hall found my wallet! great great. i dont intend on telling my parents, cause they would talk lots. why create trouble when there's none in the first place ;) so the cleaner didn't take it after all(:

2007-02-05T05:50:00.000-08:00

this could be the worst year ever.
i'm so sick of school.
i dont even feel like doing my work at home
i just rush them all at school
tmr is concert alreadyyy, tickets are ...
the show must go on
clarice(?) said that, but they way she say it is so firm or something.
makes me feel good.
whatever lah, pray for a good concert tmr.

2007-01-31T06:45:00.000-08:00

how long have i not posted. hahaha, so funny eh. it's cause i've been posting at blogger. i've still got gonghan to write and yet im doing this. i haven't studied geog and chem and yet im doing this. ah gonghan is crap!

let's talk about today:

today was okay. michellina spilt ice lemon tea on me>:( and then nth much, went for tuition. came home finished tokyo juliet on youtube. silentregrets was taking too much time to upload it. today was nothing much really. except for the horrible recess.

let's talk about ifs:

i know i wanted to be in the "popular" clique, sitting together and laughing. what's with the s2 people sitting together thing, it's crap. i kept thinking if if if. if on the very first day of school in sec 1, i stayed on with gretchen and jane, i would have been in their clique. but i dont regret it (and i know that very well) if i were to go with gracia they all to recess, i wouldnt have fit in. what defines cool? what defines popular? if i were to think anymore about this i would go crazy so i should stop

lets talk about my relationship:

im drifting away from Him. there was once, i prayed every night. but i didnt felt the need to. because i didnt receive any answers or i didnt feel that He was there. then from then onwards, i stopped praying. i also dont do my bible study. because i dont see how it's helping. maybe cause im not doing it the right way. church is getting staler and staler. where's my drive? where's my lookingforwardness of going to church? it's gone, and i want it back.

let's talk about ugliness:

some girls are beautiful, some girls are just ugly. when i say that i dont mean appearances. i mean the inside. well to me, most girls are ugly. i think i really need to learn to accept. i just wish that i can just go to heaven right away. i dont want to move on. i dont want to get married or give birth. one sermon said that we are all on earth for a purpose. we are all on earth to be useful. i know that! omg, i know i must be my best and everything. what for? to please God. it's so hard. people can be so superficial. i dont want to live in this superficial world. again it reminds me of everyday's another day. that song is fantastic. i heart it.

im just a stranger,

passing through is world is not my home

im on a journeyheaven's in view

You walk beside me

im never alone

2007-01-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

i really cannot stand the physics teacher, she never thought that it would be neglect on her part that we didnt understand what she's teaching and pushes the blame all to us. she never explains, then again she says "cause i dont know what you learnt in lower sec" wth, what kind of reasoning is this.

then was recess, talked some more with claudia, she's decided to join angklung. then band, we had auditions for sec1, i think it's really unfair to push those who are unable to buzz on mouthpieces to join percussion. it makes it seem that percussion is the last resort. don't they realise that every section has equal importance in the band? well that aside, alot of people played the chinese flute?? so most of them came from chinese orchestra. i don't have a good impression of them, they seem to have a lousy attitude.

wow and her!!! omg her, and her. well i think i've talked enough on the way home with xy, i dont want to bring up the annoying moments.

2007-01-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

im coping with school fine. im still wondering if i should open up my blog.

i had alot of thoughts recently since sunday after yf. and i've kept it until now. we're following the survival kit's book for bible study every night. i don't know why i just feel uncomfortable when he talks to us. kind of like we're condemned forever that kind of tone. it's like stirrings. he's rebuking us and i don't know if it's good or bad, but this still makes me see that he isn't what he seems.

and the masks we put on. did she pretend not to see me, or she really didnt see me? omg, when i see her fakeness, i want t slap her face. and im the most chattery with her but she's not close to me until she's willing to do stuff for me, even if it means checking whether she had brought back her maths bk(is it that hard?) but with her she can do anything for me. even though when we see each other and dont know what to talk it's kinda awkward. when i see our clique video, the anger to some clique members subsides, but then it strongly hits me again after i finish the video. CRAPOLA!

2007-01-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

school's so far so good. now's the seating arrangement's changed. im sitting with huiwei, people say she's nice(: i'll find out for myself(: i still eat with clique for recess, cause our recess time is the same:D except for claudia though. we're going out on wednesday again:D CLIQUE REUNION! anyway, i have to finish all my holiday homework by monday. yes yes, im a stupid girl cause i got 2 months to finish dont wanna do now left 3 days. hopefully my social luck will be good this year. cause i dont know how to make friends unless that person is friendly. band is as usual. we're recuiting sec1s before cca day, don't know how it will work out.

changed blogskin again. i've used this before.
my eyes are stressed.
the undercurrents pull you down

2007-01-02T01:21:00.000-08:00

the respect for him, it's just slowly draining away. it seems like he's just like everone else. i don't have to say it. cause i got no idea how to say such things about someone i respected so much. notice the underline? now whenever i see him now, i just get turned off at the amount of fakeness he puts up. and the way he tries so hard to make people laugh.anyway, i got my transitions specs. i look like im wearing sunglasses, unglam sunglasses D:

tmr, going for volleyball. hopefully everything goes very smoothly.carrying on to the next day
i got the ubt girls emails. it went out smoothly(: and plus we played captain's ball too. going for the homework rush(while my parents arent here)

im still not ready to open up my blog. hmmm.

2006-12-28T04:36:00.000-08:00

acts and facades. oh man, what's with the chim-ness. i can't stand people who tries to act like someone they're not. reminds me of complicated. they seriously try too hard. omg, i can't stand it. i just wanna give them one tight slap. FAKES
it just makes me utter in disgust.puke x100000

okay anyway,
1) marching
2) sectionals
3) combines
time past quite fast today, we have to come up with percussion ensemble and it does not rock.

2006-12-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

i realise that i'm wrong
and im sorry
cause i judge people when i don't know them and i dont even realise it. after christmas, i got to know evelyn's 2 other friends. they're really nice, like sincerely crazy. they can be just so open to strangers or people they just met. and im wrong(really wrong) when i say teenage relationships are so superficial. when i have never even been in a real relationship. meeting her friends has really made me see that it's not what i think. image don't matter, and it's not because he didnt know that she was *, it was because he didn't mind. cause it was really the inside that counts. i haven't really seen any real live example for this quote, now i have.
well now i know: guys do make a difference
:D
i guess being myself is the best way of finding out who really likes you for who you are. but then again of course you want people to have a good impression on you, so you change yourself, or maybe act a little differently to satisfy what you think people might like. (ha, it's not even you, it's actually me) when her friends came, it seriously made me realise that having a bf/gf is not about finding the prettiest or the handsomest? at least that's what i thought about people who were in a relationship. but i was so damn naive. i was wrong, totally wrong man. i feel so guilty about thinking this way.
HOPE

2006-12-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

yesterday watched a damn stupid show on channel8, it's just for laughs.

clique outing was just fab:D i love cycling. cause you don't have to use much strength to make the bicycle move fast. although the seat made my but hurt, it's worth it:D to bad rc couldn't make it. we went to the beach to play and built sandcastles, damn failure, cause the water in the moat kept sinking down into the sand-.- we went home after that(: superb

and i got presents:) i'll never forget bob, until the day that i got alzheimer?

BOB FOREVER TOO!

cause you're so perfect
and no one measures up
everything im not-the veronicas
their name always makes me think of veronica mars.
don't worry it doesn't mean anything, i was just listening to it.

2006-12-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me:D
i had an okay birthday today.
ate at thai express
bought a wallet
went for kettling at night

hopefully tmr, the slides and whole service would go smoothly.
thank God for family & friends(:

2006-12-08T07:03:00.000-08:00

cant wait:D for monday, we're going to east coast for cycling. i hope i remember or else, i'll have to learn again. or should i roller blade. hmm, i hope we'll have fun. and that i wont fall off my bike or anything like that.

these few days i feel so wordless, like i got nothing for my blog.
ugh x74832749821

im watching the bodybuilding in the asian games. yes, they have muscles but it's too extreme! and then comes the free pose routine. and the shiny thing they rub on their body makes it even worse. the body is so artificial, like it's made of plastic. there's this guy, he's posing the superman pose -.- ewwD:

2s2 forever:D

2006-12-07T08:05:00.000-08:00

Im back to blogger. I've been to livejournal, xanga, blogdrive and everything under the sun. I'm back cause blogger has blogskins! and it's much easier to change the template and stuff. I love this skin, esp the font. It's quite boring now cus there's nothing at all to do. I missed worship prac. Okay whatever, it doesn't matter whose fault it is.

Woke up at arnd 8 plus, ate breakfast slacked, took a train to tangs, saw jane on the train and then gretchen. Cause they were meeting each other. Haha, and then both pot and evelyn haven't reached yet, so i walked from tangs to paragon, back and forth and forth to back. until the pot came, after awhile evelyn came. Then we rang the bells and talked much crap. There was this guy who held up his hand to talk to the person on the phone. Okay, you won't understand unless you saw it, it was hilarious. And a group of kindergarden children came to orchard road for an excursion, at least it looked like an excursion. Some were really cute. Finally the next shift came, met with Clint and ZhongWei, they went for lunch while i went home. I took 15mins to get home:O

Saturday's my birthday, I don't feel anything. My dad's going to buy me a wallet, hopefully I get a nice and suitable one, to last me all the way maybe to jc? We're going out on the 11th, but then haven't decided anything. I don't know how to describe the situation i'm in now, i just don't feel good. I hope things would improve soon.

tell me what's the difference
there is no difference

2006-12-07T06:30:00.000-08:00

iTunes
Your Favourites
What is your most played song?: KissesDontLie-rihanna
#3?: ChouNanRen-huangyida
#7?: ICouldSingOfYourLoveForever-Hillsongs
#10?: ComingBackForMore-ashleesimpson
What is your favourite song at the moment?: TilTheDawn-drewsidora &mario
What artist has the most songs?: i don't wanna count
Is this the same artist that made your most played song?: nil
What genre do you have the most of?: the genre that's empty
The least of?: acid
What was the song most recently played: Hurt-christinaaguilera
What song was played the longest ago?: SngaporeExperience
Is there a song you haven't played all the way yet?: yep, some i haven't even heard
Do you rate your songs?: come of them
Now set it to shuffle.
The first song you get is...: Rush-aly&aj
Press the next button 3 times.
What song is it?: Why
Who is the artist?:Rain
How many times has this song been played?: 49
Press the next button 4 times.
What genre is the song?: easy listening
What album is it on?: A collection of all time favourite disney hits -.-
Who is the artist?: Jim Cummings
And finally, what song is it?: The Wonderful Thing About Tigger
Press the back button twice.
Do you like this song? yep
When was this song last played?: 11/8/06
Is there a video to this song?: should have
What song is it?: Vertigo-U2
Go to the recently added section.
What is the most recent song that has been added to your collection?: Hurt
Who is the artist?: Christina Aguilera
What song is at #17?: NothingInThisWorld
Did you buy this song?: nope
Who is the artist?: Paris Hilton
What genre is it?: pop
Go to Party Shuffle.Look away from the screen. Now answer these qs about the first song you see
How long is this song?:4:29
How many times have you played it?: 14
What/who is the song/artist?: Marion Raven-EndOfMe
How many songs have you actually bought [from iTunes]?: 0
How many illegal songs do you think you have?: 5787654578
How many songs do you have?: 632
Are there any songs that you wish you didn't buy/download?:HilaryDuff
How many hours of music do you have?: 1.6days
Do you have any videos?: nope
Is there anything in your library that isn't music?: umm, no.
When I say _____ , you have __ songs that show up
A: 581
E: 593
Q: 24
X: 34
Z: 49
love: 57
hate: 3
the: 215
and: 71
my / mine: 50/ 7
you: 70
your [s]: 15
hey: 2
sorry: 1, heh
bad: 2
good: 7
if: 48
end: 10
the end: 3